Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
