apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
