WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You've changed since you got that strap on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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