i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
