??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
