The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize