I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
