The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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