You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
