Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
