worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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