Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
