Define "chronic" masturbator.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
