why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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