I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
