Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
