Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
