The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
