It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
