i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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