6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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