hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
