So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
