just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
