Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
