I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
