She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
two words: eviction party
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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