we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
