Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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