I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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