She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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