Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
