"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
