she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Damn victory sex feels great
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
