I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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