I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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