remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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