Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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