I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
