Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
