Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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