My first STD was from a foam party
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
