I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
