You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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