She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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