I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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