party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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