First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
