I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
