im drinking this country out of the recession.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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