yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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