No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
