This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
