for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
