I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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