Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
