I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I look better un-naked...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
