Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
