Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
