i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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