I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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