I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
