By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
