That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
