The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I touched a dick in church today
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